girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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