Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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