Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
