I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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