In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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