he wants to bone in the snuggie
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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