I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
