Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
