Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
