Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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