actually, I'm a sock model
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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