I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
