I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
