You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
