if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
