Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
