Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Hippo gnu deer
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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