I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
