I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
