Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you traded sex for a burrito?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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