She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
