You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize