You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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