I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
