Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
