This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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