I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
