I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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