"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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