Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Are we still banned from the library?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
