They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
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