i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
