all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
