If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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