Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
