was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
