i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
