If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
