Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I love having hate sex.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
