then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize