I just saw a hot homeless man
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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