i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
When did angry sex become our thing?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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