I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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