And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
