Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's shark week go big or go home
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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