Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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