so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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