i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
