Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
