sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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