Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
