The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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