If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
