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• (714): View more from California

  I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.

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• (818): View more from California

  So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.

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• (914): View more from New York

  it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again

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• (714): View more from California

  I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night

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• (760): View more from California

  Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.

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