I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Houston, we have a blender
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize