Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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