I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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