god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
