I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
