so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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