party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
