I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
