Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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