those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There's always time for handjobs
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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