he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We need to get me chipped asap
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
