Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
