apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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