i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
