theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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