Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
