Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
PANTIES FOUND
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