Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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