I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
