My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
