so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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