I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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